I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
