my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Randomize
