I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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