Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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