Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
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