she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
