I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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