There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
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