I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
