I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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