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wat bout pragnant strippers??
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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