My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
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