Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
