so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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