I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
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