that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize