we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
