i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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