end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Randomize
