i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
