Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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