Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Randomize
