I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
