How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
