once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize