saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize