if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
