This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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