well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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