im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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