Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
