She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
