and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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