I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
