i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
