she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
