You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
