I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize
