She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Randomize
