I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
