She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Randomize