the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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