Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
