oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
