Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
