your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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