So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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