as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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