my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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