Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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