your thong is hanging out like whoa
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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