I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
