She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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