How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
