Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
