i dont even know how to be here
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
