When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
