addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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