the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
