Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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