she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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