Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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