Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
