I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize