the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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