I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize