another moral hangover. fuck.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
