Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
birth control should be required to get into college
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
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