Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Dear god my vagina.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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