Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
