Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
