i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
