Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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