when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
