I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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