If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
