i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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