FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
