You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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