Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Randomize
